It’s a sad truth that most people fall in love without knowing the value of a relationship. The first question you need to ask yourself is “Why do I want to be in a relationship?’’ The relationship has been perverted by the world that is why we see 8 breakup’s out of 10. The rate of the breakup is huge. What if we understand and know the truth behind a relationship, I believe it will bring a huge impact in the ratio that we see above.
Falling in love is triggered mostly by external forces: physical attraction, intellect and so on. People have their own preferences in who they fall in love with. But staying in love requires commitment and ownership. The initial physical attraction and sexual desire fade away with time. What remains is just love and care. That is where staying in love requires effort. This is the phase where you know the nature and personality of your partner and chose to work on it together. This is the real beauty you can experience in the journey of your relationship of remaining and loving each other regardless of the flaws individual carries. That’s when staying in love requires effort from both the ends and Love is what holds each other. So in my perspective falling is, therefore, a lot easier than staying in Love. Falling in love is a spark but remaining in love is the fire. Did you know you can’t remain in love until you know how to pour love on yourself? Loving yourself plays a critical ground in staying in love.
The question arises how I can love myself when I see the flaws that I have and can’t get out of that cycle. How can I love myself when I struggle with my anger, jealousy, insecurities, sexual desires outside marriage and other addiction that I have? How can I stay in love with the one I love?
KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED AND ACCEPTED
The truth is there is the way for a breakthrough from all those cycles that you are not able to get out on your own effort. Jesus said in the Bible “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free”. What is the truth? The truth is God loved you so much that He in His goodness gave His own Son Jesus Christ to come in this Earth and die for your sin cycles. He didn’t just die but he rose again from the grave so that you and I can live a victorious eternal life. Through His sacrifice, God accounts you righteous when you give your life to Jesus. God declares Holy, pure and blameless over you. Jesus died for you on the cross, he did no sin in him was no sin yet he died so that you can be set free from the cycle of sin.
Jesus said, “you can’t know the Father if you don’t know me and accept me.” Jesus also said, “if you know me you also know the Father.” When you give your life to Jesus you come to understand that you no longer have to fight for yourself and your struggle. You just need to believe in his sacrifice on the cross and believe the fact that even in my most sinful activities God counts and calls me righteous. For me personally, as I start believing and declaring this truth that I am the righteousness of God through Christ Jesus sacrifice. The cycle broke because of His love that I experienced in my life.
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”
~ John 13:34 NKJV
YOU CAN LOVE OTHERS TILL THE DEPTH YOU LOVE YOURSELF
You must be wondering what does the Bible have anything to do with relationship, well if you are looking for a healthy relationship you will find the truth here.
The truth about the relationship is God is the one who created a relationship. God wants to have a relationship with us and that is the reason God made “Man” with His own hands so that ‘Man’ can have a relationship with Him. When God saw what He made and He said: “it is very good”. God was pleased with what He made. Then God saw that ‘Man’ is living alone and “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam, no suitable helper was found.”
~ Genesis 2:18-20 NIV
Then God had a brilliant thought and God put Adam to sleep and then took a rib out of his waist and He fashioned ‘woman’. Before God created ‘woman’ God prepared everything for Adam:
- God gave Adam Place.
- God gave Adam Purpose.
- God gave Adam the Provision.
- God gave Adam Identity.
- God gave Adam Parameters.
God designed relationship because He knows we need it. Until we discover these five things it will be hard for us to stand firm and prospering in the relationship that we have. If we lose focus there would be a shallow hole in our relationship life and we might find hard to stay in love. Because it was God design He, therefore, gave these five things to Adam before He gave him a partner.
I am going to talk more about these five things that can help us to have a healthy relationship in the next article.