Notice, the first thing God created was not a relationship but it’s singleness. Your relationship may not be successful because of the issue of your singleness. A successful relationship is the fruit of the healthy single life that you have lived. Everything started from the life of singleness; your relationship, your marriage, your parenting everything starts off with the singleness.
In order to win in a relationship we need to do an active preparation for the relationship and that would be in our singleness. God wants you to win in your relationship and you can only win in your relationship when you live your life full of victory in your singleness. He is very much interested in with your singleness life. In your singleness, He wants you to live a life that is full of abundance. He wants you to know who you are before you are in a relationship. He wants you to have a firm identity of yourself WITHOUT a partner.
We live in a society where marriage has been the utmost priority. In India, as the boys and girls turn 25-30 years parents start demanding their children getting married because they hold on with the hopes of having grandkids before they die. And for some reason, if they don’t get married and passed 30-35, parents and society start talking about them and doubting about their identity. Look the society has pressurized us so much into a marriage that they forget that God is interested in our singleness as much as in our relationship. God wants us to be fruitful in our singleness before we step out into the new territory of marriage.
India has the lowest rate of divorce which is actually good news and something to celebrate about, but in the same time, we should also understand that it’s not the love of the relationship that is holding them together but instead it’s the culture pressure, reputation, and the voice of a woman.
Singleness is the most important time of your life, the space that you are not responsible for anybody else except yourself. Singleness is the season where you discover your true self and start loving yourself. We see the picture of the relationship, we see the picture of marriage, but we neglect the fact that singleness is the only place where you can freely work on yourself. I would like to propose that most of us are so much sick of singleness that we hop into a relationship without understanding the value of it. You know, actually you are sick of yourself that you think that if “I’ll be in a relationship my partner will help me to bring the best out of me“. You think that you being with somebody will make things better but they are sick of themself too. We hear the phrase that “Two is better than one” and I like to point that it’s the same even in messing up the relationship. When two unhealthy individuals come together their relationship life becomes a mess because they didn’t set up boundaries and core values in their singleness. We need to learn to create boundaries and establish our core values before we step into a relationship.
But what we miss is that we hop into a relationship and then start presuming with the expectancy of love, affection, care etc. I know all that is okay, but what I would like to speak out is “We don’t go for a relationship in order to feel loved but instead we step into a relationship because we know we are loved“. We start to suck the life out of our partner because we ourself are not fulfilled with love while we were single. And as we do that the relationship starts getting ugly because we are still not satisfied with what we have received. We tend to feel that we are not loved, our desire is not fulfilled and this dysfunction leads to break up of the relationship causing a lot of trauma, pain and hurt.
Pastor Caleb Pamei once said “When we are born out of mother’s womb God deposits an empty space in our heart which needs to be filled. As we hit puberty, we start filling that empty space with love, relationship, sex and other kinds of stuff but the empty space is never filled. It can only be filled with God’s love because in the first place it was Him who deposited that. Until we fill our empty space with God’s love we end up hopping from one relationship to another and we end up sucking the peace, joy, love and affection from our partner rather than sucking it from the main source.” God is the one who can fill your heart with His un-ending and un-failing love. He is the one who can give you all that you are looking for. He is the Love-Guru for all your complications in your singleness.
John 15: 12 CSB “This is my command: Love one another as I have loved you.”
Most people get into relationship/marriage and then they started figuring out their singleness because they didn’t set up some time to find themself in their singleness. But, as you start discovering your rightful place in Christ you start developing in embracing your true self regardless of flaws that you carry. You start knowing that you don’t need a person to fill in the gap because there is someone who is greater than the person who can do that for you. You understand that God loves you 100% and strengthen you in area of your weakness. As you start practising this, loving yourself and accepting your identity would be much easier than we can ever think of. It is in this journey that you will start establishing your core values and you will learn to set boundaries before stepping into the field of relationship or marriage.
Relationship and marriage are wonderful and it’s always a ‘Yes!’ from God but God wants you to embrace yourself while you are single rather than after you are in a relationship.
“Love yourself. Get whole. Live wildly free“.